3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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