You really coming over, don't trick.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
it's not cheating when I paid for it
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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