So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
