The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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