Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
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