Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
