He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
