A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
