There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
