Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
