After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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