well you can't waste a boner
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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