Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
