sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
