remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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