He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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