I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
