At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
