dude i'm inner monologue high
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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