I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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