Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
