question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
