I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
