I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
