I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
