Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
