Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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