No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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