I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
