can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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