ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
