I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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