ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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