Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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