Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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