I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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