Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
