Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We need to rekindle our bromance
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
