I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
