I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
