I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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