Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
