I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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