if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
