I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
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I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
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Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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