Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
