then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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