why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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