I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
