there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
