you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
