so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
