her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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