I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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