You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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