Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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