what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
