I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
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