I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
