i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
