So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
