I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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