I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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