pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
