Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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