At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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