she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
