Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
