youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
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