My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
