I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
