If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
