I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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