I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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