Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
